So, some people may know that I’ll be graduating from Fuller Theological Seminary in June. Others may know that I have the deepest desire to be an academic, and you may know that is my wheelhouse —I think in terms of deep reading, academic journal articles, and tomes of books that more than likely no one will read. I write every day, and I’m obsessed with Moleskine journals. All I want to do in my life is be a professor to teach, write, and be in the world of higher education. However, over the past year, I’ve been super frustrated with myself and my progress, feeling as though I’m not yet ready for it because I’m tired. I’ve been running at a pace to become something now that will only come with time. It’s been a hard lesson for me to learn, but it hasn’t slowed down my ache to read everything, write copious amounts, and engage all brilliant minds. If you can’t follow what I’m saying, I’m putting a pause on the pursuit of a Ph.D. for a few years to recover, read freely, strive for excellence in writing, and experience something else for awhile.
It has been hard for me to accept this thought because I have felt as though if I put a pause on my plan that God would be disappointed in me and find myself deviating too much from how God has made me and deeply planted in the very core of my being. Foolish I know, because I know better than most what Scripture states and the theological writings I’ve received on God’s being, desire for humanity, and God’s character, etc. Yet, I’m human and I’m pretty jacked up, so it makes sense why it would be a struggle for me to see this as a blessing. And for now, I have gotten that chance and peace from God that this is a blessing on the path to working towards a Ph.D. So, in light of all this, I got a job as an SDR (Sales Development Rep.) at a tech company called Redgate Software.
This has been my third week on the job, and I can tell you it has been a whirlwind. New thoughts; methodologies; metrics; assumptions; constraints, etc. I’m super thankful for the opportunity and plan to do all I can to be the best I can be at it. Ha, I can’t do anything else…something to do with the way my parents raised me. Anyway, that means I’m staying out here in LA, near the Pasadena area for the next few years or so. It’ll be an adventure, and I’ll get a chance to better know a city that I had trepidation about to sort of loving it now! As Buzz Lightyear would say: “Adventure is out there.” I know I’ll find that adventure in the large stack of books I’ve piled up to read since coming to Fuller (it’s about 55 deep), the cool things to do around the SoCal area like San Diego, and amazing food/ festivals.
These next few months are going to be transitional for me, finishing up school and finding a place to live. Yet, I’m sad because I’m walking away for a time from papers. (I know I’m a giant nerd.) I’m looking forward to the relationships that I have out here that I can still build with friends and professors that I’ve gotten to know. I plan to keep working at my craft in secret now, hopefully emerging from this time a prepared Ph.D. applicant haha. So for now, I’m looking both ways. One way to finish my last class well and with something for Ph.D. as a writing sample. And the other way to this new job, life, and adventure that is about to come.
This post is more or less a life update for those who aren’t in regular contact with me. I hope this was informative. You can now return to your regular scheduled programming.
Cheers (cause I’m so British),